Road House. MA15+, 123 minutes, Prime Video. Two stars
When you've got Jake Gyllenhaal in the lead, Doug Liman behind the camera and a beloved cult classic as your material, you'd think that you'd have a winning movie.
Sadly, the new Road House reimagining is far from a slam dunk.
While the 1989 original wasn't a shining light of film-making skill and featured a lot of ridiculous decision-making by pretty much all characters, it had a certain rough-around-the-edges appeal, helped by the star power of Patrick Swayze, a brilliant blues-infused soundtrack, a real jerk of a villain and the unforgettable supporting turn from Sam Elliott.
Its 2024 remake - which Amazon elected to send straight to streaming instead of the cinema release director Liman thought he was getting - is certainly not rough around the edges. It's clearly had a very high level of design and there's far more CGI work involved than could ever be necessary for a film like this.
Like the first time around, Road House sees a fearsome loner type employed by a road house owner who wants to get rid of the rowdy clientele at their establishment. This time instead of Dalton being a professional "cooler" (the fancy head of the bouncer team), he's a former UFC fighter who's mostly living out of his car.
When he's offered a job by Frankie (Jessica Williams, Booksmart) to clean up her Florida Keys road house, which is also named Road House, he begrudgingly accepts and gets to work evicting troublemakers. He's a formidable fighter and word soon gets around that he's not someone to be messed with.
This time around there's more of a solid storyline as to why the Road House is such a target for poor patron behaviour, and it's revealed slowly throughout the course of the film (even though the reason is very obvious).
Dalton still has a romance with a doctor (played by Daniela Melchior) who is related to someone else in the story, though this time it feels even more forced, and there's still an entitled rich guy sending out goons to cause havoc.
The always entertaining Billy Magnussen (Game Night) is said rich guy, and he's not quite unhinged enough for the character to really work, especially when his villain status is being shared with the truly unhinged Knox, played by real-life UFC fighter Conor McGregor in his acting debut.
There's a certain intrigue to the way McGregor approaches Knox, with wide, dangerous eyes and constant creepy smile, as well as his so-called "billionaire strut", which comes across very strangely in character.
McGregor isn't the only piece of stunt casting in the film - Post Malone, credited as Austin Post, also plays a fighter at the start.
Director Liman has helmed some of the most memorable action films of the past couple of decades, including The Bourne Identity and Mr and Mrs Smith as well as Edge of Tomorrow and Jumper, so it's disappointing that Road House fails to hit the mark in this respect.
Some of the fight scenes are enjoyable violent, but they're shot in such a disconcerting way that it feels at times like watching a video game. There's also a moment of vehicular violence that looks so ridiculous it practically belongs in a Fast and Furious film.
On the plus side, Gyllenhaal, as ever, delivers a solid performance, and Arturo Castro (The Menu) is an absolute scene-stealer and is responsible for nearly all the laughs Road House has to offer.
If you're a lover of the original Road House, this new reimagining is sure to disappoint. But if you want a brainless beat-em-up way to spend a couple of hours, it'll do the trick.
